WWRD

I've been struggling a little lately, as I always seem to do this time of year.  I find myself looking at throngs of happy people, wondering, "Are they really that happy?  Or are a lot of them pretending?"

I spent a whole four bucks yesterday to indulge myself in a new shower gel, and as I was spending a bit of extra time in the shower this morning to enjoy the hot water and a new scent, I flashed back to late afternoons spent, as a child, watching Mike Douglas and Merv Griffin (the two original daytime chat shows) with my dad after he got home from work.  He would come home, pour himself a drink, make me a "highball" of a lot of 7-up and a splash of bourbon, and we'd go downstairs to sit and watch television, he in his chair and I on the couch.

OK, for those of you who are already judging the fact that I was drinking when I was 9, cut it the hell out.  It was one splash of bourbon.  I grew up in a house where drinking was not taboo.  My parents encouraged us (and were sad that we did not want) to drink wine with dinner.  I will also fast-forward to today and say that none of the three children in my family has a drinking problem, so you can stop thinking that it ruined me.  Other than an occasional glass of wine with dinner, I probably have two or three drinks a MONTH.  Why would I drink?  My dad is gone now, and so are Mike and Merv.

But, I digress...

There in my island cotton-scented reverie this morning, I thought, "Wow...what I wouldn't give to have one of those weekday afternoons back, watching tv with Dad.  I never really appreciated it."

Of course I didn't; I was NINE, for heaven's sake!  Nine-year-olds don't appreciate anything, nor are they really supposed to.  But 52-year-olds should.  I think that, possibly, the difference between my good days and my not-so-good days is my appreciation level.  On my good days, I revel in the small pleasures that come my way: seeing a cute post from an old friend on Facebook, writing a snippet of really good code for my client, laughing with abandon at something one of my kids says, or smelling island cotton shower gel.  Not so good days?  I recall the good things I did or had in the past, and wish I had them back.

WWRD?  

There are two camps of people in my life: those who are so glad that I will always have the wisdom and memories of Roy in my heart, and those who think I am "not over him."  To the former, I say thank you.  To the latter, I say that being "over" someone you still love dearly doesn't happen.  You see, when you break up with someone, you gradually stop loving him/her.  When someone you love dies, you never have to stop loving him.  It's AWESOME that you can love him forever!  And that doesn't mean I cannot love anyone else; who ever said that I have some sort of gas-tank-like heart that has a maximum capacity of 15.7 gallons of love?

But, I digress again...

Roy would tell me to get a clue.  He'd tell me to accept the memories as another thing to cherish, and not to let them become a sadness, but to inspire an additional happiness.  And then, he'd say, "Lighten up, Francis!" (And, if you have never seen the movie Stripes, go watch it.  NOW.  I can wait.)

My goal, then, will be to try to appreciate the little things now, instead of having to think about them twenty years from now in the shower and regret not appreciating them.  In fact, I think I should start by appreciating that I CAN take a shower; twenty years from now, I might have to be in one of those crazy walk-in baths that I see advertised on television.  Egads...

So, maybe those Christmas crowd people are simply smiling because it feels good to smile.  Maybe smiling and feeling good makes you a little happier, which encourages you to smile more.

And maybe this will be a happy holiday season, after all.